It’s not uncommon for us to feel like we are falling behind in life, and chances are that you have experienced this feeling in the past or are experiencing it right now. The pressure to measure up to societal standards, especially when scrolling endlessly through your social media feed of seemingly successful people, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
In this essay, I’ll examine the idea of feeling behind in life and delve into insightful philosophical and psychological ideas that might aid you in overcoming these sentiments and determining your own course.
Why we feel left behind
One of the primary reasons we might feel behind in life is our tendency to compare ourselves with others. We observe our friends, colleagues, and acquaintances achieving milestones, and we can’t help but wonder why our progress seems slower in comparison. In the past decade this has even become worse with social media, as we are able to virtually compare ourselves with the entire world! However, this mindset fails to acknowledge the individuality of each person’s journey. There is not a single person on this planet that has had the same journey and past as you have. You had different experiences and possibilities than everybody else and yes, maybe you did mess up badly in your past. But it is incredibly important to …
Embrace Your Unique Path
Imagine a forest with countless trees, each growing at its own pace and in its own direction. Similarly, every individual is on a distinct journey, encountering diverse challenges and opportunities. There are entire forests growing on hills or higher altitudes, a person growing up in a rich first world country to rich parents has a very different starting point to somebody that doesn’t even have access to the internet. It’s crucial to acknowledge that success is not a one-size-fits-all concept. Success can and should mean different things to everyone, but what everyone should strive towards is fulfillment in life. If you manage to create a fulfilling life for yourself, you are successful, at least in my view.
Some might reach the same goals as you early, while others take a way longer time. Some have more obstacles in their path, while others have it seemingly easy. However, a person who might seem successful to you or on social media may actually be going through mental anguish every day. You can’t normally tell what someone else is really feeling, you don’t know whether that person is deeply depressed or not. The diversity of all our different paths adds richness to the tapestry of life. Instead of worrying about being behind, focus on the steps you are taking to move forward and make sure that you grow every day. Setbacks are part of life, but you can emerge from them stronger than ever before.
The Illusion of Timelines
Society often imposes arbitrary timelines for various life milestones, such as education, career, and relationships. There isn’t a single right timetable for everyone, and these timelines rarely capture the complexity of the human experience. The notion that you should finish college at a specific age or even get a degree from a university is just that—a notion. You don’t have to accept it; you didn’t “miss” anything in life just because you haven’t yet done it.
Getting a university degree or any other achievement is a major achievement whether you get it at age 25 or age 45. Psychologically, fixating on societal timelines can lead to stress and anxiety. Maybe you had different things going on in your life that you had to fix first, or you were chasing other goals? This leads us to the topic of
Regretting the past
Regretting the past serves as an anchor that prevents us from fully embracing the present and charting a promising future. While introspection can offer valuable lessons, dwelling on past decisions with remorse hinders our personal growth. Just as a river cannot flow backward, time’s arrow moves relentlessly forward. Regret drags us down and limits our potential. Invest your energy in paving the way forward rather than obsessing over things that cannot be changed.
Accept your accomplishments and difficulties as stepping stones on the path to wisdom and fortitude. Remember, the canvas that is life is constantly evolving, and every brushstroke contributes to the masterpiece that is your unique journey. Mistakes are unavoidable in life, learn from them. Not trying is worse than failing. Don’t beat yourself up too hard from those mistakes as you learn from them and try to …
Cultivate Self-Compassion
Psychology teaches us the importance of self-compassion—treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a friend. When you feel behind, it’s crucial to counter self-criticism with self-compassion. Remember that setbacks and detours are part of the journey, providing opportunities for growth and learning.
The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.
Alan Watts
Focus on your own Growth
Rather than measuring success solely by external standards, focus on setting personalized, meaningful goals. These goals can help guide your journey, giving you a sense of purpose and direction. By concentrating on your aspirations, you shift your focus from comparison to self-improvement. Remember to enjoy the journey towards your goals.
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
Søren Kierkegaard
Feeling behind in life is a common experience, but it’s important to recognize that this perception is often a product of societal pressures and comparisons. Remember that there is no universal timeline for success, and your unique path is something to be celebrated. By cultivating self-compassion, setting personal goals, and focusing on your individual journey, you can find fulfillment and contentment on your own terms. As you journey forward, embody the philosophy that there is no “behind” in life—only the beautiful unfolding of your own unique story.